Why do we have to face this in life? I love him so much. How are you guys doing with your situations? I was grateful to learn about anticipatory grief. A friend finally recognized it and shared her own experience as well as our hospice team has helped me. I often feel so alone and isolated and have virtually no help. Some days I fight bitterness, but I love him with all my heart and am honored to care for him as I know he would me. Hi blogger, i must say you have hi quality posts here. Your website can go viral. You need initial traffic boost only. How to get it?
Thank you for the information. It is bang on and I am learning not to feel guilty about my feelings anymore. My father just passed at 92, after 10 months of decline — slow, and then more rapid — which my mother did not see. I spent a lot of the last year in hospital rooms, rehab facilities, and the ER with both parents, and driving them to appointments, shopping for them, etc..
My year-old mother has early dementia, and now caregiving shifts over to her.
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Nursing home? Assisted living? Visiting nurses? My 47 yr old son is a cancer survivor from age 6. His whole head radiation treatment as a child cured him but has produced slow and severe accumulating adverse side effects. After all these years of worrying and caring for him intermittently he is now in a nursing home with a trake and a food tube and only has movement in head neck and one arm after having a bad stroke.
I am very emotionally worn and have a very broken heart and honestly see no relief for either him or me until he passes. And then I wonder how much life I have left. And my two other children are so needy. Sending love to you,Peni, and to all of us dealing with stress, getting prepared for and in the middle of grief.
My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 Lung Cancer and I was her support team. We had 71 days, from the time we found out, until she was gone. They were there for both of us. They could see me struggle, they knew I was grieving already, even before I did. I suffered from anxiety, still do, and the fear of what life would be like without her there. My husband beat prostate cancer and melanoma, then got head and neck cancer and endured many surgeries and radiation over the past three years.
In January he was told it was in both lungs, his neck, and his head, and nothing could be done. Two days later I was diagnosed with breast cancer, had surgery, and will need further treatment. We have each other, and old dog, and no other family. He has Hospice care at home. All is on me, and I must be able to handle it all. I do not know what to say. Often doctors are poor at validating emotions and practical difficulties that come up with illnesses. Nurses and social workers have a much better understanding. I wish I could come around and just be there for you.
I wish there is someone that is able to do that for you two. Did the doctor arrange any social worker or home visit nurse or similar for you as well aside from services put in place for your husband. Things like household cleaning, meals, doing dishes, grocery shopping etc. Big hugs. Do you have someone you could talk to, someone who would just listen, even if they are not able to arrange for any services?
Gentle hugs and much love to you and your husband. If you happen to see this message and are able to reply here, I am here to just listen. And I am sure others too will be glad to listen and perhaps find out services available to you in your location? Helen—my husband has Parkinsons, has had it for 9 years and only in the past 12 months has it gotten worse. He is on hospice too, and they have been great providing a variety of resources, some have helped a bit, some not so much. Take good care. I am a caregiver of 20 years for my father and let me tell you I was so relieved to learn about this kind of grief.
Pray to him he will comfort you. I will continue to spread your mighty work you did for me. Double bubble. I am in a double bubble. My mom died unexpectedly 3 months ago today…. My dad started Hospice a week ago. He is extremely bossy for the younger sibling. As a single mom, I feel asking for help , even financially might be ok.
My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer back in , before I was to get married. Both my parents are toxic people guess this makes it a little bit more complicated. However, just last week, my dad was rushed to the hospital from what he thought was a heart attack.
It is the cancer. The doctors told him and my mom that this part of the journey is coming to an end and he may only have weeks to maybe a month. They brought him home last week and set up hospice. For the first time, I saw regret. He regretted not going to the doctor years ago when he thought he was sick.
I have been angry and crying, and feeling rather horrible at times because of wishing this was already over. However, my parents mistreated me and my siblings, so it is making this harder in some ways. I do visit and call more, but I still have to keep boundaries and keep my emotional guard up because regardless of this current situation, my parents still act the same well, more so my mom, but my dad is finally showing some signs of compassion towards another human being.
Anticipatory grief really really really sucks. Im 17 and my mum has stage 4 metastatic breast cancer that is now in her bones. I always think.. Why me, im 17, most people my age their biggest problems in life are how their boyfriend cheated on them or how their parents refused to get them mcdonalds. I pray often for answers because i feel like maybe God honestly hates me but i know these are all irrational thoughts and that people have it worse and hurting myself is only going to make people who are already hurting hurt even more.. Life can honestly change in the blink of an eye and i feel guilty for every single second i ever took for granted before April I believe this whole rough patch of my teenage years will only make me a stronger, better person in the future..
Very dear one, please contact a guidance counsellor, church, or child welfare or hospice facility and ask for help of a therapist to talk with. Do it now, and no self harming, ok? Sending love from California. I have been diagnosed with COPD for over 7 years. A couple of months ago it got harder and harder to breathe. All medication prescribed by my doctor were not working. In November i read in a health forum of a herbal clinic NewLife Herbal Clinic who sell herbal remedy to cure diseases including COPD, i immediately contacted the herbal clinic via their website and purchased the COPD herbal remedy.
I used the herbal remedy for 7 weeks all my symptoms were reversed, i did another lungs function test and CT scan to be sure, my doctor confirmed my airway are repaired, visit www. I would just like to share that it is not only our human family and friends who can cause us to feel this way. Our animal companions can be so close to us also and will often face illness and death long before us. My Golden Retriever Barley is only 10 years old. Many live to be 14 and that is what I had mentally prepared myself for. But he is showing weakness in his hind quarters and, though he is still quite alert and happy and still goes for a daily walk, I know I must be seeing his ageing and eventual death much sooner than I had prepared for.
I feel cheated. His weakness came on in a course of a few months. He can no longer run for a ball and it creases me to watch other dogs running happily on the beach when I know he cannot. It was not meant to happen like this; not yet. And yet Barley is showing me that whatever I may feel about this, he lives from day to day and moment to moment.
If he fails to walk up a step, he waits a while and has another go. He still rolls around in the woods and sniffs and investigates along the way.
Live in the moment; every moment. And so we spend as much quality time together as we can. I have moved other interests and commitments around his needs and withdrawn from some activities so that we can spend time together, experience training together he is a nose dog and so he can enjoy the benefits of hydrotherapy, which helps him to maintain muscle and mobility. I will miss him when he passes. I miss him now. But he is teaching me to live each moment as it is given and not bark at shadows — until our paths part. Your story of Barley actually made me smile.
I lost my dear black Lab, Riley, in June, after 14 loyal years together. I now recognize I had anticipatory grief with her, too. Anticipatory grief is a powerful emotion and I never even knew it had a name. Magnificent beat! I would like to apprentice while you amend your site, how could i subscribe for a blog website? The account helped me a acceptable deal.
I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear idea. I lost my nan almost 2 years ago come April, and despite not knowing at the time she was my pride and joy. Now almost 16, I still keep memories of her in my mind. No matter what.
Everyone says I used to look like her, and I appreciate it as she was and still is one of my favourite people to ever exist. She was incredible. Exactly that.. I was already grieving when my mum stayed in appalic state after stroke and heart problem and 40 min resuscitation. She is in the early stages and only has problems with short-term memory. She broke her hip last month and after surgery went into a nursing home for rehab.
My sister has medical POI and I am the alternate. I have financial POA and my sister is the alternate. My mother also has degenerative bone disease and will never walk without a walker or wheelchair. I want to bring my mom home to live with me. My sister says, since she has the right to make medical decisions, I cannot remove my mom from the nursing home. Is my sister really the only one who can legally remove my mom from the nursing home?
I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good. It does crazy things to you…. This is such a helpful article. I feel normal for the first time in this horrendous process — and less guilty. Thank you. Dear viewers Do you think of getting a Financial help are you seriously in need of an urgent loan?
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We respect and value your privacy and will not share your information with anyone. We offer discreet and Reliable packaging and delivery. My name is Karina Morales ,i want to shout a very big thanks to Priestess Kukuye for helping me to get pregnant and now i have a baby girl and i am heavy with a boy inside of me. She gave me just oil from his temple to drink and today i am a happy mother. My wife was diagnosed with Vascular disease, and she has diabetes. She has had one leg amputated below the knee, and half of her other foot. She is forgoing dialysis as well. Her Dr. We have an 11Year old daughter and the thought of her losing her mother scares me.
I have dealt with many deaths and losses in my life but none made me feel the way I do now. I cry more now than I ever have in my life. As I care for my wife and my daughter I feel very lonely. I have dived into my job and worked more to help keep my mind occupied and not feel so sad. Also, if there is anyone out there that is dealing with the same thing, I hope it helps to realize that you are not the only one.
Feel free to contact me through this forum and we could talk. Help each other out. Please pray for me and my family as I will pray for all of you. Thank you for this article, it has helped me understand so much of my experience of my mum dying. She too had a stroke and I believe I began grieving before she died. At the funeral I felt relief and peace, relief that neither she nor I are suffering any longer and peace that she is I believe back with my dad who died 8 years ago and she was never quite the same after wards.
But I feel so guilty for not being heartbroken.
Over this last devastating year I watched her go from an independent person, to a disabled and incontinent shadow of herself. Yes, there were glimpses of the old mum but I feel as if I lost her last year. My sister was very upset, but she lives away and has little idea of the reality of the responsibility that I felt and the distress of seeing the daily suffering of my mum. I saw mum every day she was in hospital and then, a nursing home as I could not care for her, her needs were so high. I almost feel happy for my mum that she no longer suffers.
I feel comforted to read this thread as now I do not feel so much like there is something wrong with me. I just want to say thank you. I had been told by someone briefly a while back that what I have been experiencing was grief for my mum even though she is still alive. My mum has been fighting cancer for 16 years, I have spent over half my life in a state that ranges from varying levels of anxiety, low mood, anger, sadness. Looking back always when there was a change in treatment, in progression of her cancer.
Most recently a couple of days ago we were told that the treatment she is having is not making any difference and she has a couple of months left to live. Nothing ever prepares you for being told someone you love has a certain amount of time to live. She even had her kidneys and bladder removed a year and a half ago to get rid of the cancer, with the hope of being clear long enough to get a transplant.
I hope they and many other people who are going through something like this find this page just like I did, at exactly the right time. I even started journalling today. Thank you for this entire site… I have been dealing with all this sadness and frustration since Nov I am an only child, I have 4 children, ages 23, 19, 17, and My mom has lived with me for the past 10 years, and my 23 year old daughter dropped out of college to be the primary caregiver to her Grandma so I could still work fulltime. Now her friends are graduating, and she has become a hermit, will not go anywhere or talk to any of her friends.
The whole family has changed. My dad passed away 16 years ago this May of Liver Cancer, which I got to experience up close and personal with a newborn in my arms, nursing in a hospice, I didnt have the support of my children back then, as they were babies themselves. Even watching my son graduate last year was more a chore than a joy. Worrying about my mom, could he see him from where she had to it, was she cold, should I be up there or down here where I can take his picture…?
My life has become a series of doubts… I used to be very happy go lucky. My mom has always been my best friend. Now, I feel this immense loss, when she is still here, but her personality has changed so much. I weep while I type this, I feel guilty that instead of enjoying the fact she is still here, I am crying because I miss her. She has always been my goto for advice. Now I have no goto. Her reasoning has become short, she is on so much medication. I have gained 70 lbs since her stroke, I have aged so much, my entire body hurts all the time, I have severe migraines, I see a therapist every week.
Been going through this process for over 2 years now with my 85 year-old mom. She was the paragon of health for most of her life; has outlived all but 2 the youngest of her 10 siblings, and has reached the highest age in several generations of her family. That is, until 2 years ago when she wound up in the ER twice in one week. Since then some pieces have been coming together in the puzzle of some of her behaviors in the past seven years.
Minor car accidents, inability to balance her checkbook, strange out of character seemingly decisions on a personal level. Since the events of 2 years ago I feel as though I have been pre-grieving her. I have spent weeks, days, and hours with her, discussing her wishes for the rest of her life, after death, hopes and asking if she has fears of dying. I start when the phone rings, especially after 9 pm or before 7 am, I feel guilty that I sometimes am so exhausted in untangling some of the messes she makes with telephone solicitors and scammers true evil, vultures in our society that I wish it all would just stop.
Some therapists have said you cannot anticipate grief. But I know you can. Thank you for this article and a place to express feelings. He went through 4 yrs of treatment. This article was helpful to me as I ride the emotional roller coaster of grieving for my precious love. Wondering when I will be able to look at his photos or memory boxes that I will make with no more tears. Being overly sentimental, I imagine this will be a long process. I appreciate all the info. I can get. Omg, I thought I was so wrong getting relieved when my son died. He was a drug addict and I was literally running almost everyday for him, to him, whatever the case may be.
I was so mentally and physically exhausted. Than I would cry and hate myself for even the thought. But I was just so tired. He consumed me in every way possible. I am a recovering addict that choose to get out of that way of life. I prayed everyday that something would give. That he would finally get it. Well something gave. I got that unwanted call that no parent EVER wants to get. But I knew, I knew this call was coming. Than my whole life stopped. In a way I felt relieved.
But than I felt so freaking bad for feeling that way. I am so relieved to know that this is normal. I thought I was the only one that felt this was. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Thank you so much. I experienced this prior to the death of my husband. I had no idea other people dealt with this or that there was a name for it. It also helped me stop feeling guilty about the slight sense of relief I had after he died. I have learn so much reading articles like this about grief.
I was the mother of a 5 year old boy and a teacher. I took some time off work to care for Joe.
I did not know about anticipatory grief…all I could think about about was Joe is dead…the dead man walking…. I felt horrible. I had such a difficult time to be physically close to him. I still took care of him but I felt guilty of not being able to be close to him physically. My son took over that task!
Joe gave it all to fight this horrible monster but after 18 months he passed away. It will be 6 years in 2 days since his death…I have moved away from the big city and moved to a small community where it is much easier to raise a child as a single parent. Sam is now 13 and an amazing young man. Joe would be proud of us. I have learn not to be so hard on myself…watching your partner suffer and die can bring you into an unknown sea of emotions that are alien to you. I am still seeing a counsellor to help me sort out emotions that are too hard for me to tackle on my own…and that is ok Thank for this blog.
One of my oldest and closest friends is dying of lung cancer, at age It had spread to his brain and spine, and treatment was stopped a few weeks ago. To see this tough, sharp ex-Marine reduced to a shell of his former self is devastating. I visited last week and he begged me to take him home.
He stopped eating over the weekend, and since he has an advance directive, he will be receiving comfort measures only. We have a large group of friends, so that support network is there. Thanks for this blog, and for reading. I am experiencing anticipatory grief. My sister has stage IV metastatic breast cancer that has spread everywhere. I go through sudden times of overwhelming emotion. After I regain control, I am fine for days, weeks or even months.
She wants only positivity around her. I tried explaining that people being upset is actually a positive because it shows how much they care about her. So, I hide my emotions around her. It is so hard going through this. I kept hoping it would get easier over time. Two years has passed and I am still having the same bouts of emotion randomly. I feel guilt for feeling grief when she is not gone. I feel helpless. My sister had stage II breast cancer a few years ago.
We are very different so it was hard at first to find the right balance when interacting with her. But in the end, I think it made us closer. I found that I expressed my emotions best when I did things to help her — accompany her to treatments, run errands — rather than say things, if that makes any sense. My mother-in-law passed away a month ago after 17 years in nursing homes. Her body was a prison to her due to crippling RA, cancer, and strokes, but her mind and personality were intact until about 5 months before her death.
My brother has multiple chronic conditions that have worsened severely in the last few years and is now in hospice care. Doctors predicted he would not live past childhood, but he is now Unfortunately, he is also now totally bedfast, swollen, too weak to even sit upright on his own, bowel and bladder incontinent, and his skin is now breaking down all over his body from poor circulation creating open ulcers. He moans and cries at times, unable to communicate what hurts or how he feels. At his last hospital stay a month ago, we were told his heart, lungs, and kidneys are in the process of shutting down.
But now his suffering has reached a new depth, and I feel that I am slowly dying inside along with him. Even with all his disabilities and inability to communicate, he and I share a deep emotional bond. Thank you for sharing your insight and experience. She was being managed where I worked. I had already started to call my uncle to tell him to prepare. Panic attack!
First ever panic attack…and so I grieved her loss. The next morning, my colleague called…. I was dangerously calm and I stayed that way for about 2 months. It helped grieving before hand, but nobody told me about the delayed grief I would go through from time to time months later.
Hang in there and let us know if we can ever address any specific questions you may have. Thank you for writing about this. I am 46 yrs old. Within the past six months, my husband was diagnosed with a terminal illness. He may have 4 yrs. He may have 10 yrs. Treatments for his condition are being developed and improved all the time.
In the meantime, we have to live day to day knowing that his immune system is compromised by his medications, that something could happen to me which would be disastrous , and that I am going to face what is likely to be a long life without him. I suppose most people are simply unwilling to contemplate death, or to extend real compassion—rather than sympathy—which requires the capacity to tolerate unpleasant feelings.
Thank you so much for your posting. I have never heard of grieving before a death, but I knew I was. I know and my mom knows I have been the best daughter that I could be. I love my parents dearly and would do anything for them. Mom has stage 4 breast cancer that has spread to her lungs and her brain.
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The mets in the brain is pressing on the nerve which is causing tremors and loss of use in her legs. This is such a sad situation. Her peaks and valleys are up and down, then not as high and a little lower. I guess I feel like there might be something I might regret not saying to mom while I can. But I do have an appt next week with a counselor. Im so glad I found this page. My fiancee has late stage cancer.
We are awaiting news to see if he qualifies for a study drug but this just buys him time perhaps. This is his third time with cancer, and this time its ugly and mentally and physically draining. Going into the treatment I had the mentality of hoping for the best outcome but expecting the worst. I knew he could not be cure so the hope was in just making sure things havent spread. Since around the new year all I do is cry, I dont eat, I dont sleep, and other days I sleep all day.
Im also seriously forgetful. IVe gone into stores and left the car running and the door hanging wide open, Ive left the stove on,left the shower running when Im done—its so out of character for me. Im also very socially isolated as if Im in a bubble with just me and my fiancee. In front of him Im smiling, strong, and in control. I clean the house, do his shopping, answer his questions as best I can. Once I leave I break down. My family doesnt understand Nobody calls to see how I am or if I need anything, make a simple meal would be nice, or help with the many things I still need to take care of with my daughter im a single mom.
I seriously considered putting myself in an inpatient mental health setting because I have become so consumed with losing him I feel I have forgotten how to live. Some people are very insensitive when I ask if I can just talk. Im confused, lost and overwhelmed with grief. I think Im also grieving what our relationship once was…we were preparing to get married. I was connected to a therapist by a hospice social worker as she said she was concerned about my level of depression. Ive lost a ton of weight as well. I start seeing her next week.
I really feel as if im losing my mind. Im more at ease learing others have felt this same way. Thank you for this site. I can relate to so much of this. I lived in a state similar to the one you describe while caring for my mom, who happens to be my best friend. She survived her cancer for a little more than 3. I just came from a therapy session with a hospice counselor and it does help.
Seeing her is very helpful; I also went to a support group the hospice offers which might help you as well. There are many books to read that help as well. This post is for SC. My mom just died one month ago from stage 4 brain cancer also. I have been her live-in caregiver for over 3.
I have so many similar feelings as you in terms of anticipatory grief. I only learned that this existed towards the end. I felt like I was walking around with a bomb attached to my chest, not knowing when it was going to go off. All my life losing my mom was my biggest fear; we have always been extremely close. Seeing her deteriorate was hard, especially the very end.
Or maybe seeing her out of the condition she was in plays a role. The experience was so traumatic, especially the last few months. I am so sorry guys about your losses… My grandma got very sick. I was really worried about her. She drank medicines but she wasnt getting better. So her best friend visited her really often and helped her clean the house, cook etc.
She was getting worse and worse. My mom was super worried and me as well. So her friend called a doctor. Doctor said that she needs to go to hospital. They put her in hospital. My mom was calling her really often and she seemed getting better until this happened. As usual my mom was calling her as always. She called her once.
My grandmother sounded fine. Mom called her second time. She picked the phone but didnt answer. Mom got really worried. I came from school and my mom told me. I started screaming anr crying.. Since that moment im crying… I cannot calm down. I see her everywhere. I dream of her at night. I have serious depression. The worst thing is,. This is where im from and where my granny died… We live in Spain.
I have to stay here cause of school. I always tuink about her. It makes me feel worse in fact. Because you realise that the person you loved is gone… forever… My grandma lived very hard life but she didnt deserve that… :' I will always love her… Always…. Trust me when I say that I can completely relate to your frustration and anger with your father.
I went through anticipatory grief a year and two months before my mom passed away in March of The day before she passed away I was consumed with so much fear, anxiety, panic attack, depression, shock, denial, and grief that I treated my mother badly, was verbally abusive to her saying things to her I now have to live with so much regret, remorse, guilt that I only punish myself, will not forgive myself for how horrible I treated her for years, especially at the end only because I felt a strong willed woman in my life was giving up the fight and on wanting to live her life.
Thank God on her death bed I was able to make amends with her, apologize, tell her I loved her with all of my heart, asked her for her forgiveness for everything I had done wrong to her throughout our lives together, etc. If I had not said these things to my mother I would not be able to live with myself right now and would have definitely have felt much worse than I am still feeling. My mother was a breast cancer survivor for seven years then it returned and took her life the second time. I am consumed with guilt, remorse, regret, sadness, heart ache, depression and cry all of the time for her because the grief and sorrow are unbearable and I miss her so much.
Learn from my mistakes. As hard as it is and not fair to you still be there for your father because you are all he has for support and help. Do all you can for him while he is still alive and appreciate every moment with him not taking anything for granted. Let him know how much you love him and accept that he is stubborn and hard headed and will not do your will but his own, you cannot change this of him.
Do all you can for him while he is alive so you will not have to deal with everything I am dealing with on top of the grief and sorrow because I was not patient, compassionate, understanding, empathetic, apathetic, respectful and loving that last year and two months I had to make up what I had messed up with my mother all of those past years. My heart goes out to you, hang in there, you can do it, you are stronger than you can imagine, be there for him he needs your love, support, help, patience and compassion.
He might be in denial that his health is deteriorating, not all of us have common sense of these things and see them for what they really are when they are happening to us with our health. I hope some of my advise, suggestions help you with your current situation with your father. Take care. Thank you all for your brave stories. Truly encouraging as I spend time with my ailing father. Granny had scans to confirm the strokes and in that process tumours were discovered in her lungs her spine and spleen. She was out shopping a couple of days before and gardening which is why this is such a shock!
Her cancer had started in her lungs and then metastasised to her bones and vertebrae in her spine and her spleen her outlook is and always will be poor but she had treatment options at least to help with infections and pain, not to cure her! On her birthday she suffered a! And she could no longer really speak!
And her mobility is really poor! She was moved to palliative care.
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And I have gone through all of the above including anger! I am so sad! It is awful and I know when the time comes it will be just as much of a shock even though my anticipatory grief is preparing me! I miss the bits of her that are slipping away. I miss chatting to her even though she has a few words and phrases back, I still miss this.
She is on puree diet and has very poor perception due to the stroke and needs help with feeding which is sad! I wish I could help her she is only 74! My heart is broke and I love her so much! I have never been affected by cancer before but work with people who have dementia and understand the loss without bereavement but I feel it now! Cancer is cruel! Thank you, Litsa for your kindness. My mom passed a way a few days ago, I was with her in bed and she went to sleep…forever.
We had some heart-to-heart talks near the end, very poignant, I will cherish them forever. All is well and will be well, though my heart cracked open and a huge void of sadness and sorrow reside. I am going through what so many of you are describing. My up-until-now perfectly healthy mom at 87 no hearing aid, no medications, no glasses; yoga 3 times a week, water aerobics, book club, field trips, college classes was just diagnosed with stomach cancer and refuses to face the reality of it.
Over the past 4 weeks she has shrunk to a skeleton, cannot eat or drink and is extremely weak. She keeps putting off the doctor appointments and will not tell anyone about her condition, nor will she let us tell anyone. To say I am acquainted with grief is an understatement. But this is different.
This is slow and painful and we are adhering to her request to pretend that nothing is wrong even though neighbors and friends and cousins are alarmed and keep asking what is wrong. I feel like I want to at least alert her nieces and her sister and brother so they can pray for her, talk to her, way goodbye etc.
She has always been hard-headed but this is ridiculous. She has stopped eating and drinking, I am afraid only a few days are left and of course she is refusing hospice or palliative care. Please help with any advice, and God bless. There are so many assumptions about death- that the person dying will find peace with it, that there will be time and space for everyone to say the things they need to say, and sadly that does not always happen.
I wish I had a better answer than this- perhaps others may, from other experiences. You may want to take a quick look at our facebook page. Take care and please know we are here for you! My Dad is dying of cancer I am his main carer I found your piece on anticipatory grief extremly helpfull I was beginning to feel such a weak person On the brink of insanity Thank you so much sharon.
We both had husbands, she has a young daughter, and both have busy lives and careers. When the time came that we could no longer care for Mom at home, we both began going through emotions that we could not put a name to. When I read an article about anticipatory grief, it described our emotions perfectly. Placing Mom in an assisted living facility in our town was a difficult transition for all of us. Not because of the facility, they have a beautiful place and she is treated like a queen.
It was because we felt that we were one step closer to losing her. I feel that this is why we struggled with the decision far past the time that it needed to be done. I am comforted to know that this is normal and it is okay to grieve before her actual physical death. I feel that feeling this anxiety and sadness for my furry companion, minimizes what they are dealing with, yet the feelings are undeniable. I struggle with both the honor and responsibility of deciding when her life has lost its joy, and when I am being selfish and keeping her around for me. Comments like you can get another dog, well that just hurts.
I am 60 years old, have lost grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and recently a niece, but the coming loss of this elderly furry companion of mine, seems to be throwing me for a loop. Sorry it took us so long to respond. We just recently wrote a post on this actually, you can read it here. We also recommend the Grief Healing Blog for people dealing with grief related to a pet.
There is a ton of different grief related information here, so just search for pet and you should find a bunch of posts. After being sick for over three weeks, my mother was diagnosed with small cell carcinoma extensive stage four. Originally they thought it was t3 bladder cancer but after more tests — it is everywhere in her body- liver, lungs, bones and pathology showed that it was small cell carcinoma — no cure. My mom has been a best friend for years.
I am 51, and she is She was working still full time when this started mid March. It is now end of May and in that time she has lost more weight and the cancer has spread. Tumors everywhere. According to medical research and the oncologist who gave us the news end of April, this type of cancer has no cure but treatment could give her months of remission. She is decided to undergo treatment which involves three days of intense chemotherapy, followed by 10 days of radiation.
She has two more days of radiation in this first cycle and goes right back into chemotherapy. From the very moment we heard the news, and I understood its implications, I have not been able to feel hope. I have been grieving. I went to go pick up a prescription for my mom last night and ended up stopping at a cafe and buying 2 cookies and as I ate them I realized I was angry — and even angry at my mom for being sick and needing me.
It felt like the only moment of happiness that day tasting the sugar and sweetness in between radiation and a 3 hour MRI where she was in pain the whole time. I feel sad and angry and hopeless about her condition and then guilty for my feelings. I would like to just curl up in bed and sleep for days. But that would mean actually sleeping which eludes me nightly. I have had constant headaches and back pain. My sister who lives only 15 minutes from my mom and I thought we could divide up the week to provide most of the care for her but we are both already seeing negative effects of our own lack of self care.
I feel like my mom is not my mom anymore. She is quieter, little loss of a lot of weight , and so tired all the time. I created a pain medication chart to try to make sense of everything she is taking. There is no sense to cancer. This vicious weed that has taken over my moms body. I started my business 4 years ago and it is just now taking off and I recently leased an office and hired a part time employee.
I feel guilty that I am thinking about my business. My thoughts are unkind to me. I feel impatient when my mom needs her water, phone, and glasses for the 10th time in one day because she is too weak to carry them herself from the bedroom to the couch. Then I feel guilty for having impatient thoughts. Lisa: I feel for you. The guilt can be overwhelming.
For me, the cycle of guilt and not taking care of myself via a decent sleep schedule, saying no occasionally, and eating right, to name a few fed the cycle. I felt guilt, so I ate crap that was bad for me, then justified it by deciding I was a terrible person anyway, so it was fine. I have had to consciously break the cycle and remember that although I love mom and miss how things were…. All the best to you in your struggle dear lady.
It explains exactly how I am feeling right now and has stopped me feeling so alone. My mum died when I was 12 and from then on I was brought up by my grandmother. She is so much more than a grandmother to me — she has taken on the role of mum, dad, grandparent and best friend since my mum died. I have felt like I am losing her everytime she has had a decline in her health or independence over the past several years. The feelings I experience remind me of the grief I experienced when my mum died. This weekend she had a fall and has hurt her arm.
Her memory is also getting increasingly worse. I feel like I am losing her although she is still alive. My husband died of acute meyloid leukemia on April 17th. He was diagnosed on March 31st where they told him immediately that he had a few weeks to a month. For the first two weeks I was with him in the hospital everyday, sometimes I spent the night and we talked about everything possible.
We wrote his obituary together, he wrote a letter to our friends and family that he wanted read at his memorial service and he made a video for our two boys. For 21 days I sat by his side, I cried myself to sleep at nights alone, I cried when they gave him the diagnosis, I brokedown when they put him on a ventilator on April 10th. That was the day I think I said goodbye. It was very hard to watch over him like that. Once he did pass, it was just surreal that it actually happened.
I told everyone, this has been my reality for over a month, you all are just now dealing with this. My daughter was diagnosed with stage 3 cervical Cancer 3 months ago She was ok at first. She had her family around her helping her. I was helping her with her 6 children , taking her to appointments making sure she was eating well. Letting her know I cared for and would be there for her..
As did her sister who didnt get along with her very well..
- TJ & THE CUNNING CANTRIP COMPETITION (Stormshifters Book 1).
- On the Predestination of the Saints (With Active Table of Contents).
- Love Smiles;
She accused her sister of a crime. Hurting her business.. Author of My Life. Lists with This Book. This book is not yet featured on Listopia. Community Reviews. Showing Rating details. All Languages. More filters. Sort order. Runyararo Mupanduki rated it it was amazing Feb 01, Lia Mercy added it Mar 26, There are no discussion topics on this book yet. About Stellah Mupanduki. Stellah Mupanduki.
She has a miracle working Ministry for healing founded through the anointing power of the Holy Spirit. The essential principle she gives emphasis to and finds viable through her work is that there is hope for terminal illness and it is healed through Jesus Christ our Saviour. Her Writing Ministry does not teach you how to live with a disease or how to take care of your disease, rather, it removes that disease itself or problem and uniquely brings true and actual healing in a permanent way because of the presence of the Holy Spirit Hence, it takes away the grave, death sentences, fear, helplessness, disappointments and the scares of untimely death by removing and eradicating diseases called terminal illness, rare and incurable diseases.
There is that holy divine purity in her work. And there is compassion and love for human life in these books. The love of music has helped her connect with the higher power of God that touches people and bring change in their lives. To be generous and kind at heart is a gift from God.
Three in One and One in three For a person who is terminally ill, these books should be read on their own. Point of strength is: Whether you are sick or in good health, the Stellah Mupanduki books, written and breathed by the Holy Spirit of God, thoroughly cleanses your body system, strengthens your bones and muscles, purifies your flesh and blood and strengthens your immune system and makes your life dwell in the presence of God Almighty. Make it a life habit to read and be cleansed and rejuvenated in body, soul and life for the rest of your life until you go to eternity.
Fellowship with God in his unique ways and be happy, protected and be peaceful and secure in your life. It is God's will and purpose for you to live well and be in good health and be fully protected in every area of your life. In her work and writing, the Holy Spirit of a Sovereign God touches readers with his permanent and supernatural healing flow and presence and makes them well. It is good and advisable for any person to take a step of faith and humility by reading the unique and helpful Stellah Mupanduki healing books in order to encounter God in his Sovereignty and be healed by just reading.
Most importantly, other than life troubles in various areas of a person's life, the Stellah Mupanduki books and personal presence give to the world a radical powerful healing, cleansing and protection from terminal illnesses, rare diseases and all controlling, incurable diseases through the healing presence of God Almighty who dwells in her for his good and healing purposes. For Instance; Cancers like; brain cancer, skin cancer, renal cancer, lung cancer, leukemia Blood cancer , bladder cancer, uterine cancer, breast cancer, ovarian cancer, cervical cancer, prostate cancer, Oesophageal cancer, colorectal cancer, bile duct cancer, liver cancer, cancer of the pancreas, spleen cancer, bone cancer, bone marrow cancer, jaw cancer, cancer of the mouth, colon cancer, stomach cancer, cancer of the lymph nodes, throat cancer, cancer of the internal organs etc Books by Stellah Mupanduki.
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